I have “Expectation-itis”. Or, at least, I think I would have that if it weren’t something that I made up…
Creating massive, un-reachable expectations for those “once-in-a-life-time” moments is a really bad habit of mine. But, I believe that we all have this “bad habit” within us to some extent.
These are all of the joyful occasions that we learn to celebrate with crazy enthusiasm (and lots of cake). They are the rare, good parts of life that allow us time to focus on the beauty of this world & the people we share it with. As a society, I don’t think we do that very often. We don’t reflect on the beauty.
Humans are so good at getting caught up in what doesn’t matter. Trust me, I know. Actually, I think that “Expectation-itis” is the enemy’s attempt at ruining the pure joy God has for us in celebrating the life we get to live.
The reason I am talking about my “Expectation-itis” is because I am graduating high-school in exactly 52 days. Prom. Goodbyes. Yearbooks. The Last Day. I know plenty about the expectations I’m supposed to have and the expectations everyone else has (A.K.A. senioritis…I just like my word better). But I don’t know how I feel about all of it.
I mean, there are parts of me that are excited & curious about the “post-high school” world, but most of me is not ready to leave yet. High school has been so wonderful to me. All of the friends I have made, the teachers I have bonded with and the experiences I’ve had have impacted my life in an amazing way. How do I bring some of the best years of my life to an end?
I know why I’m going to miss it so much, I just don’t know how I’m going to feel once it’s gone. Especially since I’m surrounded by so many people who are counting down the 52 days to “freedom”. I’m almost positive I’m the only one who is going to miss it.
I’m sure once I look back at this, after I’ve graduated and have moved on with my life, I will think this was a silly thing to be perplexed over. I mean, I’m trying to choose between the sad & blue emotions of leaving or the excited & red emotions of moving on…but instead all I am is confused and really purple. There is no black & white, or in this case blue & red. I’m at a stand-still with these emotions based on my past experiences with my “Expectation-itis”. I know how much I expect of big moments (like the one happening in 52 days…) and how much of a let down it is when those expectations aren’t met. So, I guess I decided I wouldn’t let my brain get that far by freezing my feelings towards the situation. And that’s not working either.
Sitting here, writing this out has opened my eyes to the situation, though. As I think about the moments that make up why I’m going to miss high school, I realize they are all spontaneous & sincere. The best moments I’ve had are the ones that weren’t restricted by my expectations.
With or without expectations, the next 52 days will go by. Instead of worrying about the number of days and what is beyond them, I am going to choose to celebrate & bask in the beauty of this amazing time.
I’m not bringing the best years of my life to an end. No. I’m getting to transition from goodness to greatness. And that is something to be excited about.
I, Rachel A.K.A. One Emotionally Purple High School Senior, pronounce that the next 52 days (and beyond!) are going to be “Expectation-itis” free & joy-filled.
I hope yours will be too.